Saturday, September 20, 2014

Tuesday Sept. 16th/2014 - Saturday Sept 20th/2014

The nightmare of St. Mike's continues.   Friday she got home around 2:30 pm..  I knew something was not right but I was home, not at the hospital.  I was told they would send a prescription with her if she needs it.   Remember..  we need to go back a few days to Wed. when I took her back in and she was acting erratically and ended up falling out of bed. 

It was then I told them to do a urine sample, I thought something was up due to the way she was acting.  When my mom gets a bladder infection I know the symptoms.  But of course, what do I know.  So Wed. night, they do a test and around 2:30 am I finally ask about it since I've heard nothing and I'm told it didn't come out right.  It was a dip test..  how the hell difficult is that.  Pee is in a jar and they stick a dipstick in it!  That's all there is to it.  But they botched it.  I ask that they send the rest of the urine into the lab for testing.  They said they would.

So.. they keep her overnight Thursday and tell me they'll send her home Friday morning and she'll have a prescription if she needs it.  Friday morning comes and goes..  she gets home about 2:30 and I'm thinking there is still something wrong.  I go through the paperwork they send with her and I see a page that says "prescription" however I'm not seeing anything on it other than her regular medications. 

I take all the paperwork to Ralph, my pharmacist, and he goes over it all with my permission and tells me there is no new prescription.  So off I go home.

Weekend is difficult, more than difficult at times.  Sometimes she is right out of it.  Other times she is sharp as a tack.  She also keeps trying to get out of bed at times which means she will fall.  She can't bear weight.  Down she goes.  It was because of this I took her to the hospital last Wed. night. 

So now it's a week, another Wed.  It's later in the evening and my phone rings.  It's about 9 pm but I see it says private name/private number so I answer it.  It's my family Dr.  And he has news for me.  He got the urine test back to him (the one the hospital took a week ago) and it's positive for bacteria.  She has an infection, further to that he also has the sensitivity test and he's sending her a prescription.  Going to fax it right now so I can start it Thursday.

My pharmacist has it delivered in the morning and we start it.  She is downright combative at times.  These pills are huge and difficult for her to swallow but somehow I'm getting them into her. 

It's now Sat. Sept 20th and the last day and a half have been good.  She's been taking all her medications without problems.  Occasionally she doesn't take her Tylenol but that's ok.  All the ones she really needs, she is getting into her.  However.......

For some reason this afternoon around 2 pm all hell broke loose.  She's screaming and crying and trying to get out of bed again.  She tried to bite me again too when I tried to stop her from climbing over the railing.  I think I may have to take her back to the hospital if this keeps up.  I can't have her falling again.

My opinion?  Since the hospital fucked up yet again and sent her home with another infection and no medication, I do believe that all that time with nothing (at least a week), the infection has got a good hold on her and the antibiotic she's on isn't working as it should.   Just like the last time when they sent her home with an active infection and the wrong medication.  By the time I got the right one (they didn't wait for the sensitivity test that time) it just didn't do the trick and 4 days later she was back in the hospital.

So that's twice now they have sent her home with an active infection (in 6 weeks) and either the wrong meds because they didn't wait for the sensitivity test (dr d'silva) and this time when they didn't even check the damn test.  And they have the nerve to complain about hospital costs?  Try not ordering lab tests for ones you aren't even going to bother with!  morons.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Friday September 12th/2014

I am not having the best day.. really stiff.  My arthritis is flaring up, maybe thanks to the weather change being so drastic, so fast.  Or maybe from sitting hours on end.

Anyway, she was suppose to be home this morning however I just got a call and now it's set for 2 pm..  fine, as long as she gets out of there.  The sooner the better though.

Been thinking..  maybe it's time I redo a site on nursing homes as well.  There have been changes since my Gram went into one, nothing much for the better I'm afraid. 

Friday, September 12, 2014

more Thursday Sept. 11th/2014

I got to the hospital kind of late this day, around 2 pm which is unlike me but all things considered I had things I really needed to do in the morning including get some sleep.  I'm not good to her if I'm the walking dead.

When I got there she was out like a light.  I had talked to her nurse, Grace, earlier and she told me she refused her medications and bed bath.  Wonderful.  She woke up when I spoke to her, gave me a kiss, said I love you and then fell asleep again lol

So the day went much like that.  Around 5 pm her dr came by to announce she was going home Friday morning.

ok..  so the night before the dr admitted her to hospital because according to him she isn't safe at home.  She fell.  yea..so?  She falls at the nursing home too..  and the hospital for that matter so the twit wasn't really making sense.  If she isn't safe at home due to a fall then she isn't safe in long term care or the hospital because she's had falls in all these places.

Anyway..  they still don't know if she needs an antibiotic or not.  Now I'm puzzled because her nurse told me she was on an antibiotic already!  So I ask the Dr if she's on an antibiotic or not due to the info I got and I'm told no.. they gave her one then stopped it!  Really???  why even give her one then?  So they will send her home Friday morning and will fax in a prescription if she needs it. 

Not a word or mention of how safe she will be at home in regards to falls.  nadda.....   guess they want the bed again.

Oh... and the bed...  I'm told what room she is in and for some reason it's bugging me.  Room 6.  Something in the back of my mind is needling me about that.  When I get there I realize exactly why..   room 6 on the 14th floor is telemetry.   It was this room...  and exactly this bed..  that she was in 4 years ago when she shared the room with the drunk in detox that grabbed the syringe and yanked the big bottle of hand cleanser off the wall and stood at the end of her bed with it held in his hand like a club and a stabbing implement!!!  What a freakin nightmare that evening was.  Go back to the beginning of this blog to read that story.  I am not superstitious but  this room..  that bed...  gives me the creeps.

So...  she didn't eat either this day.  She didn't eat her breakfast and lunch she got about 2/3rds of her mushroom soup in her, that's all.  When I was there I noticed that there was a menu on her side table.  A menu?  for her?  She is on a strict liquid diet.  Her esophagus doesn't work and if gravity doesn't take it down, nothing will and she will aspirate it.  I'm a bit confused since she did have soup and her sherbert so I don't mention anything. 

Dinner comes and what does she get?  Full regular diet!!  Solid food!!  Absolutely nothing she can eat.  Now it's after 5 pm and there is no one here to help with this matter.  I asked someone to get her a supershake but I think she forgot.  Forgetting isn't an option since it's all she can eat.

Now I'm running around looking for her nurse who is m.i.a.  I don't know how many patients Grace has or how difficult they are but for the most part, we can't find her most of the day.  The lady in the next bed is having difficulties with her i.v. and the damn thing is beeping, beeping, beeping and she's calling the call bell over and over..  no one comes although they keep telling her over the intercom that someone is coming.  No nurse, no c.a.  Matter of fact, now I think about it, I didn't see a c.a. the entire time I was there today.

I'm seriously trying to find her something to drink.  The lady that brings the food says something should be coming.  At 6:45 she tells me it should be there around 7 pm.  Well 7 pm comes and goes and still nothing.  Then I go to the nurses station because I still can't find Grace and they are not interested either.  I'm told I have to get someone (the c.a. or nurse) to go to the fridge to see if there is an ensure in there.  geez people..  I tell her I can't find the nurse and I go looking again as she calls over the intercom for the c.a. to go to my mom's room. 

I finally find her nurse at a couple of minutes after 7 and I tell her that I was told to get her to look into the fridge for something liquid for my mom to eat.  I'm then told "She didn't eat breakfast, and she didn't eat lunch so it should be ok and she can have breakfast tomorrow morning!" and "I'm too busy to look".

The room across the hall from my mom's room is like a staff lounge, recliner chairs, tables, etc..  it's full of staff including the c.a.'s.  It's 7 pm and the shift changes @ 7:30 but always.. and I mean always..  they scatter at around 7 pm and are nowhere to be seen.  Even earlier at times.  The poor old woman next to my mom had about an hour earlier been dinging the damn call bell so someone could come and undo her i.v. for her so she could walk to the washroom.  She really had to go. Every time she rang that damn thing someone would come on and say "Can I help you?" and she would say, in this tiny voice.. "I need help please to detach me from this".  And she'd get the same response "ok".  And she'd wait.  Holding it.  Good thing she could.  I kid you not..  at least 45 minutes later the nurse finally showed up, feathers ruffled, undoing her iv for her and muttering about how busy she was when the lady remarked she had been waiting a long time.

Anyway..  long and short of the dinner issue..  c.a. never showed up, nurse was "too busy to look for something for her to eat and she'll be ok with nothing until the next day"..  so I took it upon myself to go to the damn fridge and look.  I took a small white milk from it and tried that but really didn't think it would fill her up.  I then went downstairs to Timmy's and got her a large chocolate milk and brought it back upstairs for her before going home.

On my way home I gave this a lot more thought and it seems that next time she goes I will have to make sure that ensure or a can of zip top soup goes with her so she has something to eat because obviously this hospital doesn't realize that there are people out there that require a liquid diet!!!!  assholes...

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Thursday September 11th, 2014

I think I got to sleep after 4 am..  some time around 5:40 am my damn phone rings.   Says "private name/private number" so I figure I need to answer it.

It was some freakin dr from that damn hospital and he wanted to go through the entire story yet again of what happened with my mom!  I already went through it with 2 dr's there.  Fucking talk to each other ok???  That place has the worst communication skills of anywhere I've ever seen.  I started to tell him and then I said... I need sleep...  go talk to the other dr's I already told.  He says "ok" and I hang up.  So much for sleep.

More of Wednesday but actually it's 3:35 am on Thursday

and I'm still so irate about what that asshole Dr said to me that I wrote the care manager on the 14th floor and this is what I wrote to her:

My mom has been re-admitted only after a long discussion with a twit of a Dr.    Just get the antibiotics in her and when the result comes back from the sensitivity test, I'll take home the proper antibiotic and her. 

It seems I should let her die of a u.t.i.  I shouldn't have them treat her.  Seems this is St. Mike's policy.  Seems my little old mom is a drain on St. Mike's resources.  Seems seniors aren't worth the time or the cost. 

Did you know you weren't a long term care facility and that my mom shouldn't be admitted and re-admitted?  That I shouldn't use it like that?  Well let me tell you this.. I know for a fact there are elderly in there waiting for beds in ltc.  I can name at least one for you if need be.  That mom's there too much?  I told him usually my family dr treats her u.t.i.'s  But if I'm not mistaken I only take her in there when it happens on a weekend and it can't wait because the confusion it causes has repercussions.   Well she fell this time..  so I took her in to find out if she broke or cracked anything.  I thought that was the right thing to do.  Next time I won't waste St. Mike's precious Dr's time and resources and I'll just get someone to help me get her back into bed.  voila!  problem solved.  Then I will restrain her. 

So it seems now since I wouldn't listen to dr twit I should have this same freakin conversation with Dr sergeant.  I told this twit the conversation is over.  And I won't be having it with anyone.   Why doesn't he kill his mother off then if it's such a right thing to do?

 He wanted me to put her in ltc and I told him no because she isn't take care of in there right.  They don't make sure she drinks her diet, or water even for that matter.  Excuse me but she'd be back in that damn place in a week with dehydration or would have rather just have me tell them to let her curl up and die?  They don't brush her hair, or her teeth.  How disgusting is that?  They don't put a mat down until she falls.  Then she can have one.  and so on and so on.  He tells me she isn't safe at home since she had this fall.  I told him then she's not safe anywhere.  She's fallen in ltc as well.

So that's when he starts his spiel..  and I'm just not getting it..   I'm tired.  I'm trying to focus but I'm simply not getting it.  I know he's trying to say something but it's not coming through.  So finally I tell him I'm too tired for this and to use the k.i.s.s. principal.. keep it simple stupid....  and that's when he comes out and still can't get his tongue around it but now I get his drift and I ask him..   "you think I should let her die of an infection"?  He say "yes"  I ask him if he's out of his freakin mind.  Could he imagine what kind of pain she would be in.  Oh..  excuse me "they will give her something for the pain".. yea sure.. like D'Silva did when she pulled my mom's codeine and she laid there for a week crying in pain?

Let me tell you something.. tomorrow I go to the Minister of Health...   and then I hit the media.  Nice policy.. and in the end, quite cavalier about it too.  And I do believe it's time for my blog to make the rounds... 

You can tell dr sergeant to just figure out the anti-biotic and then call her a transfer ambulance and I'll take her home.  This time wait for the sensitivity test to make sure they give her the correct damn medication.  Which by the way is why I had to bring her back again.  Not because I wanted to but because their dr wanted the bed so bad she fucked up royally at my mom's expense.   If I have to use restraints on her at times so she doesn't fall, then so be it but I will not grace St. Mike's doorstep again, I'll get my family dr to treat her infections like he normally does.

I am so sorry that sweet old lady sucks your resources dry.  And I'm not paying the ambulance bill either, it can go to dr sergeant for all I care.

I'll be there every day until I can get her home.  I suggest no one come to me with that discussion.    oh.. and btw, that asshole had this entire conversation while leaning over my mom.  After he left I asked her if she heard it... she said some and started to cry.  I asked her what she heard and she said she wasn't sure but he wanted to kill her or make her die or something.   So I explained the best I could what he was saying and she said she didn't want that.   I told her she would be ok, I would always protect her and not to worry.  I hugged her and comforted her. 

I want that moron's name.  Regardless, I'll be having a long talk with the Minister of Health. 

And can you please make sure my mom gets her supershake and some mushroom soup?  I don't want them starving her to death as an alternative to death by infection since I wouldn't give permission for that.

Vickie



Wednesday September 10th/2014

We're back..   that certainly didn't take all too long.  I got my mom home on Monday even though I didn't think she was ready to go home.  They insisted though.  Her bp was 154/100 and that was also considered normal.  Not in my books but hey.. what the hell do I know?  Nothing I guess except that her pain meds needed to be put back to what she originally had and when they finally did, guess what?  Pain relief.  Imagine that.  And then there was her swallowing medication that they removed as well and when they were finally convinced by the dietician to reinstate that guess what?  She started swallowing better too!  So of course I know nothing about her bp meds.  Why would I?  I've only taken care of her 24/7 for the last 4 years and for years prior to that as well when she needed occasional care.  She still had some delirium as well when they sent her home.

Problem was they were lying through their teeth.  I was told she took all her meds, then a Dr told me she wasn't.  No one could make up their mind but it couldn't be both people...  now could it?  No one also told me how bad her mornings were either.  I found out it was a well kept secret.

So I got her home the afternoon of Monday Sept 8th.  About 2 pm and I noticed a bit later she was agitated.  She fell asleep later in the afternoon.  When reading her paperwork I found out they actually stopped a med I was told she was getting.  Does anyone get anything right here?  So night time Monday comes and I don't give her her sleeping pill since that's the one I found out they pulled but actually told me she was still getting.   Monday night she slept not too too bad thankfully.  I had a sitter for her in the night so I could get some sleep and she was really great.  She sat up close to mom's bed all night and held her hand until she fell asleep.  And there she sat the entire night.  If I could have had her the entire week I would have.  What a great sitter.  She knew her job and was obviously great with seniors. 

Tuesday morning she was really groggy.  I mean really groggy and she slept the entire day!  She finally woke up about 5 pm.  I was worried because I didn't think she would sleep that night after her sleeping the better part of the day.  I was right but part of that wasn't her fault.  I tucked her in at about 10:30 pm and she said she didn't think she would sleep.  I told her just to lay there and close her eyes and think nice thoughts and I'm sure she'll sleep soon.

I went to bed and then @ 1:00 am I got up.  I peeked in on her and the sitter said that she wasn't sleeping much and that she just fell asleep.  Right then didn't she wake up and I went over and tried to convince her again to rest, relax, etc.  She said ok.

When I got up at 6 am to let the sitter out didn't she wake up again, wide awake and wanting to talk to the sitter.  So she goes up to the bed and starts to chat with her!  I'm standing there in the doorway and thinking "what the hell"?  "I want her to sleep".  So she finally starts to leave and doesn't she tell me that the two of them were chatting all night long!  Really?  Instead of letting her sleep, telling her it was time for bed, telling her you needed some sleep, you stimulated her???  kept her up all night?   Just freakin wonderful.

So she leaves and I convince my mom to nap for a couple more hours until Cheryl comes (that morning's psw).  She said she would so I could get some more sleep I needed.  I tucked her back in and went back to bed.  8 am comes and Cheryl comes in and isn't she wide awake!  I quickly give her her morning meds with no problems and head back to bed for a bit.  Cheryl gives her her bed bath, and changes and dresses her up for the day and even manages to do something with her hair.  I walk in at 8:45 and there she is.. sitting up in bed, glasses on, reading part of her newspaper!!  She looked like my old mom.  Like she normally did every day before this horrendous incident.  She looked perky, she was smiling, she was glowing :-)  Cheryl dressed her in lilac and rose colours and she looked like she was ready to go out!

I asked if she wanted coffee.. she said yes!  Drank almost the entire thing!  It was so nice.  Got her a supershake (her liquid diet) and didn't she down that in record time too!  By the time I ran out around 11:15 am she was on her 2nd one.  When I got home at 12:15 pm she had almost finished it!  And she was sitll smiling and talking and everything.  I was so hopeful and so happy.  Her afternoon psw was overjoyed to see her like this because she then admitted that the day before she was so worried.  The afternoon went mostly like this.

My caregiver relief came in at 3:00 pm and I ran out for some errands for an hour.  When I got home things were really different.  She was passed out cold sleeping.  I couldn't get her to wake.  She could barely lift her eyes.  I figured the night up had finally caught up with her and she crashed.  When she did wake while I was out she would tell Faithlyn that she had to get out of the bed!  And she would start to put her legs over the rails.  She would convince her no, that she didn't need to.

Some time after 6 pm I was tired and wanted to lay down a bit.  I went into her room and told her I was going to lay down.  I got her comfy and moved her legs again.  Just to be sure she didn't try something.  I went to my room.  Almost right away I had to use the bathroom so I went. Before I went into the bathroom I peeked in her room.  She was laying quietly and I thought she was snoozing.  I went to the bathroom.  On my way out for some reason I decided to peek in her room again and when I did I almost shit.  There she was.. on the floor!!!! 

How long does it take to go to the loo?  geezuz, 3 minutes?  At that point my friend Ravinder came in and so did the psw for the evening.  I called an ambulance to take her to the hospital and check her out.  So here we are..  it's now 10:51 pm and her tummy hurts.  They did an ultrasound and I think everything is ok.  They just took her down to ct scan to check that she didn't hit her head.  I have no idea since she fell while I was in the washroom.  I saw nothing of how she hit the ground.

so... it's 12:32 am and a dr came in to tell me the internal medicine people will be by to look at her.  I ask him if she's being admitted and he says he doesn't know, it's up to them.  geez does anyone know anything in here.  And get this..  the medical team that is going to come down here and see her is the same team that treated her upstairs when she was here.  oh yippie...  think they may get it right this time?  This dr says he is pretty sure that since she just left here on Monday they will more than likely admit her again.  He also made a hint at placement somewhere.  In other words a nursing home.  Says a social worker will come talk to me.  Sure.. I heard that before.  Over 3 weeks ago when she had the ruptured aneurysm.  Never did see anyone that said they were a social worker.

This place is notorious for sending people home way too early.  If they are full, then send patients elsewhere but stop sending sick people home early!!! They usually just rebound and land their ass right back in here. 

I'd like to know if I can go home and get some sleep considering if they don't keep her I have to take care of her on no sleep. 

He wanted me to put her in ltc and I told him no because she isn't take care of in there right.  They don't make sure she drinks her diet, or water even for that matter.  Excuse me but she'd be back in that damn place in a week with dehydration or would have rather just have me tell them to let her curl up and die?  They don't brush her hair, or her teeth.  How disgusting is that?  They don't put a mat down until she falls.  Then she can have one.  and so on and so on.  He tells me she isn't safe at home since she had this fall.  I told him then she's not safe anywhere.  She's fallen in ltc as well.

So that's when he starts his spiel..  and I'm just not getting it..   I'm tired.  I'm trying to focus but I'm simply not getting it.  I know he's trying to say something but it's not coming through.  So finally I tell him I'm too tired for this and to use the k.i.s.s. principal.. keep it simple stupid....  and that's when he comes out and still can't get his tongue around it but now I get his drift and I ask him..   "you think I should let her die of an infection"?  He say "yes"  I ask him if he's out of his freakin mind.  Could he imagine what kind of pain she would be in.  Oh..  excuse me "they will give her something for the pain".. yea sure.. like D'Silva did when she pulled my mom's codeine and she laid there for a week crying in pain?
I told him to just tell me if she's staying or going home.  He said since she fell she isn't safe at home (he doesn't get it.. she's fallen while in there even!), so he would admit her and start her on an anti-biotic.  I said fine, talked to my mom a bit and then headed home.  I got home about 2:40 am.

Once I was home and in bed I blogged this but I also wrote a letter to the care manager there on the 14th floor..   I'll copy and paste it here.  btw, I copied and pasted a bit of it here already to make for less typing.....  I'm damn tired.


so it's 1:30 am and in walks dr so & so..  I'm so tired now I don't give a shit what his name is.  And he tells me she's ok in regards of the fall.  No broken bones, no crack in the skull..  this is a good thing.  Then he starts talking about dementia and such and putting her in a nursing home.  I told him no, they don't take care of her there.  They don't make sure she drinks water or her liquid diet. They don't take her out of her room, they don't brush her damn hair or teeth!  Then he starts going on about how often she has been in here and her confusion so I made it very clear that she's been here due to u.t.i.'s and she's always confused with them.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Tuesday Sept. 2nd/2014

What a good day!  My phone rang this morning @ 9:30 am and it was her nurse calling for her.  She got on the phone asking me when I was going to get there!!  That's the most I heard her say in a couple of weeks almost.  She talked a bit more, said she loved me and we hung up.  Around noon it went again and it was the nurse again, seems my mom has an appetite and wants canned peaches!  lol  I have a small can in my bag.  I grab her a coffee and up I go.

She's wide awake and happy to see me.  She had a supershake for breakfast, some milk and 1/2 a coffee.  For lunch she had a 1/2 supershake and some of the canned peaches and a full coffee.  She later had some more diced peaches and later a small bowl of cream of mushroom soup!! 

I have no idea where this appetite came from but boy it's nice to see.  She wants more diced peaches but I'm holding her off a bit.  I don't want her to get a sick tummy.  She's been awake most of the day too!  Finally, I'm seeing my old mom coming back.  And she's even smiling.

Talked to the dietician and she's rather happy with what my mom's got down today and talked to her care manager and she's going to talk to the Dr's and see if we can possibly get her back on her old meds to see if that adjusts her blood pressure for good :-)

Monday, September 1, 2014

Monday September 1st, 2014

damn...  September already.  This summer truly sucked but at least I got my mom out to several events including the new Ripley's Aquarium and that she wants to go back to.  As soon as I get her home and she's up to it, I promised her another visit. :-) 

So..  I was running a wee bit late today and didn't get to the hospital until 1:05 pm.  When I got off the elevator I could hear this hacking.  The closer I got to her room, the louder it got.  Hacking, choking, grunting...   it was her!  No one is with her!  The nurse for the other patient is in with her but she can't stop what she's doing and she tells me to get Lauricel, my mom's nurse.  Instead I straighten her up and start to pat on her back hoping to unlodge whatever the hell that is in there that is choking her.

She can't even talk she's choking so bad.  Finally someone comes on the speaker and the other nurse yells for Lauricel and in she comes. 

I'm telling her I think she's aspirated something she says "no".  Meanwhile the choking, gagging, dry heaves continue strongly and she keeps falling over sideways.  So what is Lauricel's solution?  Oh that would be to yank the poor old thing over on the side that gives her the most pain too.  Due to the curve in her back she always leans to the left.  Always.  It's the curvature of her spine.  So I tell her not to pull her that way, it's too painful for her.  She says "I know but she's always over on that side"..  again I repeat myself and she says "that's what she has pain killers for"!  I'm just going to rip my hair out at this rate.  Abbey the C.A. came in and between her and the nurse they finally hiked mom up the bed, got her a bit more straight so it didn't hurt her back and cleaned her up. 

I can't stand this damn place..   I so can't stand it.  I really want to know what this hospital's morbidity rate is because as far as I'm concerned they kill them off here.

Here Lauricel has been shovelling food into my mom.  Now the woman hasn't eaten for well over a week and a half.  So far today she's shovelled her morning supershake with a packet of protein powder in it and half of her milk!!  Then comes afternoon and again she shovels the afternoon supershake with a packet of protein powder in it, something else and for Christ sake...  fucking potato soup which is way too thick for her!!  No bloodly wonder she's choking!  I'm surprised she isn't throwing up with all that food suddenly in her little shrunk up tummy.

And she's crushing her damn pills too.  Really?  Is there absolutely no freaking communication in this damn place either?  STOP CRUSHING HER PILLS, THEY'RE DISGUSTING THAT WAY.  Then she wants her to take this damn huge multi-vitamin.  I'm telling her to toss it, she won't take it.  She says "it's chewable".  I say "Lauricel.. she has no teeth in, how do you expect her to chew it"?  she says "oh..  then I will crush it!!!"

 Look... just shoot me and get it over with ok?

Again I told her to toss it..   she says "ok..  we'll crush it!".  I swear it takes everything in me not to choke some of these people.  I finally said "Lauricel, I said to TOSS it..  she's not going to take that huge thing".  finally she gets it, she says she won't toss it though, she'll just put down that it's not administered.  That's perfectly fine.  geez

Then she wants to know if the Dr's talked to me yesterday.  I said no...  was here for over 8 hrs and didn't see one of them.  She wanted to know if they spoke to me about a pep tube or something like that.  I knew what she was talking about, a feeding tube placed right in her tummy but I told her that I wouldn't allow it.  You can't be knocking her out like that at this stage.  So she asked if they will insert the tube in her nose again but I'm really having issues with it.  They use people that don't know what they are doing.  It's brutal on her.  This will be the 4th one and a few alterations too.  Pulling it out to push it in further, etc.  I think she's had enough of it.  It's torture for her.  Obviously the mittens to prevent her from pulling it out don't work either because every time you turn around she's pulled them off again.

2:35 pm..  my mom is exhausted from all that hacking and choking but it's finally completely stopped.  She's trying to sleep.  Sleep is good for her.  Sleep is healing.  Not in here though.  First the guy comes in to change all the garbage's and bangs and rattles everything and scares the crap out of her.  She manages to drift off again when the nurses station starts up.  If I didn't know better I'd swear they were having a party out there.  Loud laughing, talking, yelling across the space..  so loud it freakin wakes her again.  I guess they forget this is a hospital and a quiet zone.

Let's talk clean... vs ... dirty.. and garbage

I know there is cleaning staff in here but I swear they are under a cloak of darkness and can't be visibly seen most of the day.

There is a throw up bin (one of those grey compressed paper things you toss your cookies into) on the floor in here, a piece of wadded up clear medical tape, a wadded up tissue, a Styrofoam cup, and a surgical glove (not sure if it's used or not) on the floor here.  All have been there since before Friday.  oh.. just discovered there is a stir stick on the floor too under her bed.  Wondering what else I'd find if I actually moved and looked around.

So..  why is it all still here?  I'm not sitting in the way of a cleaner here and even if I was I would have seen them and moved.  But alas.. none have shown up.

The public washroom is directly across the hall from her.  It was disgusting.  Someone had an accident in it of the worse kind.  A nurse finally came by and stuck a big post it note on the door telling people it was not in use until some dept came and cleaned it.  That notice was stuck on there over 24 hours!!! 

There is also a spill of some sort on her floor, it has a white crusty edge to it. 

As well there is the issue of the patient washroom in this room.  You have 2 patients and neither one uses the loo.  I went to pour a coffee down the sink in there and this is what I discovered:



 
hmmmm I have a friend that comes from India and she says this looks like something you expect in a 3rd world country.

Saturday August 30th/2014 & Sunday the 31st

so at 7:10 pm they decide to put in the new ng tube..  right before shift change when everyone wants out of there and is rushing around like hell to get out.  Nice time to do this.

I leave the room so the Dr and nurse can insert it. I can hear my mom complaining and in a few minutes the Dr comes out and says it's done so I go back in the room.  The nurse is still there clearing up stuff when I see something.  I look again and yup...  there it is!  The damn thing isn't even in right and it's all coiled up in her mouth!  Instead of down her throat!  brilliant!  So I show the nurse and she darts out for the Dr.  I go the other way and actually find her and tell her that it's coiled in her mouth instead.  She goes in and thinks she can just pull out an inch or so and it will uncoil.  ummm  I don't think so.  So she slowly starts pulling it out and my mom starts gagging and wanting to throw up and gagging more and now she's crying.  Finally they realize how piss poor a job they did and they decide to pull the entire thing out and start again!!!  REALLY????  How about if we do this to you ok?

We had a huge debate about this.  She is obviously distressed after putting it in and pulling it out.  They want to put it in again.  I told them to wait and I'll ask my mom.  The Dr complains she doesn't take her meds for them, she'll only take them for me.  I turn around and look at her and say "so why is it the night nurse and the morning nurse tell me that she has been taking her meds when they give them to her?  Now you're telling me she isn't taking them??  It can't be both ways and you guys need to figure out which way it is. 

I talk to my mom and she says she will give it yet another try.  Remarkable because I wouldn't have.  This time didn't go so smoothly though and by the end of it she's crying out for her mother.  I'm "mother" when she is over the edge in pain or stress.  When I get in there she's still crying and telling me it hurts her.  I guess there have been too many in's and out's with them inserting it and her pulling it out when she doesn't realize what she's doing.  Then reinserting it now 3 times.  Her throat hurts.

At 8 pm she was still crying out saying it was hurting her throat and she was gasping at times for a breath so I asked if her Dr could be called.  The person (a young man) at the nursing desk called Miriama, her nurse that evening, and requested she call the Dr (resident) that was overseeing my mom.

  Instead, Miriama asked me what was going on and I told her that I can't leave her like that and go home.  She's in a lot of distress and pain due to the tubing and I wanted to talk to the Dr about it.  She pretty much passed it off so I insisted she call the Dr.

  So she does..  however she didn't bother to look behind her to see where I was before she opened her mouth.  Her c.o.w./w.o.w. whatever it's called now was just outside my mom's room, as was I.  I can hear her conversation with the Dr and it was extremely condescending towards me.  Telling the Dr..  "you know.. blah, blah, blah" (she actually used the words blah, blah, blah in a very condescending tone) in other words what I wanted to talk to the Dr about was nothing.  And then she made a remark that pretty much said that it would shut me up.  She said to the Dr "please just come by for all of 5 seconds .. you know.. just ...."

  We almost lost my mom last week.  She was in a lot of pain and distress from this tubing.  Then it still wasn't put in correctly and had to be moved yet again.  Now it's 9:17 pm Saturday night and I'm sitting here waiting for x-ray yet again.  How many x-rays does it take?  And why is someone doing this that doesn't know how?  Every Dr (resident) in this place needs to have this procedure done to them at least a couple of times.  Maybe, just maybe, they will be more careful when they are doing it to a patient.

  But it's Miriama's attitude that I'm writing about here.  It's nothing less than rude.  I sit here day and night and give her meds to her since she takes them easier with me, I've even changed her when needed at times.  In the 2 weeks she has been here I think we've buzzed for the nurse all of 3 times if that.  She is old, she is very frail right now and all this is pushing her over the edge.  She was calling for her mother when they did the tubing the 3rd time!  There is no reason for Miriama to be so damn rude and condescending towards me.  I told her I heard what she said.  I told her she should look around before she talks about someone.  I also told her I was writing a letter of complaint and I told the Dr that as well.  There was absolutely no reason for her to be like that and she needs some sensitivity training at the least.  Then what does she do?  She then asks me to give my mom her meds while I'm here.  I did.  Not for her but only because I know it's easier to get them into my mom if I do it and she really needed to get those pills into her.

  The next night (Sunday) I'm still at the hospital when shift change comes.  Tonight my mom has Miriama again but tonight she comes to her room first.  Unusual but ok.  So I wake up my mom so she can move closer to Miriama to do her bp and while she's getting the cup on her arm she turns around to me and says "Michelle & Leila tell me you have a problem with me"!  Really?  Like she doesn't know this?  I told her last night right after her conversation about me that I didn't appreciate her comments and that I'll be putting in a complaint.  She wasn't 10 feet from me when I told her.  She's not deaf.  She turned around and was looking at me when I had that conversation with her.

  There is a time and a place for everything and trying to aggravate a situation at the bedside of an elderly, already confused patient simply isn't the place.  I just said to her that she knew I didn't appreciate her conversation yesterday, her blah, blah, blah remark and left it at that.  When she remarked again, I ignored it.

  Before she left she asked me to give my mom her pills.  I waited to leave until she gave them to me because it's important for my mom to get those pills into her.  Again I gave them to her not as a favour to Miriama but because my mom needed them and I wanted to be sure she got them.

  This is going to be a very, very long long weekend.  Wonder who's on Monday?

Sunday, August 31, 2014

more Saturday August 30th/2014

I quite honestly don't know what's going on in here and with my mom.  Yesterday she was her old self.. alert, taking, awake, etc.  Even after they put the ng tube in to feed her.  She was fine. 

Today...  is a whole other matter.  She is delusional at times, sleeping most the time, quiet...   to get her to talk you pretty much have to beg her and even then you'll only get a grunt for a few words.  A lot of words are not coming out right.  "you" came out "slew" sort of.  And earlier when she pulled out her feeding tube while Michelle the nurse was here, she was literally babbling like an alien being.  Then all of a sudden she was clear as a bell..   then babbling again.  It's very strange.

No one can tell me what the hell is going on.  Almost 2 weeks ago I was promised to be hooked up with a social worker to help me deal with the stresses here and at home, with my family and even the stresses on myself.  That never happened.  No one ever approached me.  The only people that have been any support to me are Michelle the nurse, Michelle the dietician and Vicky the care manager.  But it's not their job to be a social worker. 

I sit here, day in and day out, for hours on end.  Some days I'm here 10 hrs..  some more.. some less..  and unless my mom is having a good day like yesterday this blog is all I have.  To talk to my mom about what is going on is difficult since she doesn't remember what brought her in here.  She has been out of it enough that she doesn't even realize how long she has been here.  It will be 2 weeks come tomorrow night. 

So she pulled the feeding tube @ 10:30 am and I talked to the Dr about putting it back in around 1 pm.  She told the nurse to call her when she had time.  Needless to say, it's now 6:25 pm and the nurse didn't call her yet.  When the hell are they going to do this?  So I just asked the nurse about 15 minutes ago if this is going to happen and I reminded her SHE was suppose to call the Dr to let her know she had time to help with it.  I think she finally asked the Dr but I'm really not sure.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Saturday August 30th/2014

geez I didn't realize how long it's been since I added to this.  Been really a hectic time for me with my seniors program and mom in the hospital.

Several things have happened, some for the good, some not so good.  On the good side they called my family Dr who convinced them to give her her regular pain meds again so she's in little pain.  Well..  other than the tummy pain  but even that is subsiding some and not constant anymore.  thankfully.  The dietician here has also convinced them to put her on her swallowing medication as well.  So that's another really good thing.  She's still not eating really though.

So on Friday I gave permission to put the ng tube in to feed her and convinced her it was the right thing to do even though she wasn't all that thrilled with it.  They put it in on Friday morning and she was actually ok with it.  :-)  However when I came in in the morning I discovered the nurse trying to give her a supershake.  I told her she's not drinking them and that's why we put the feeding tube in.  So she says...   are ya ready for this??  "oh..  well can you get her to drink it because I crushed her medication and put it in there!!"

I wanted to ask what damn planet she's on...   but I bit my tongue and said instead "why do you think we inserted the feeding tube?"  She won't drink that.  And why did you crush her medications because she won't take them crushed either, they are horrible when crushed.  It says right on her card to give her the meds ONLY with applesauce and intact, not crushed".  She tells me "well I never had her for a patient before".  So I remarked.. "then you don't read the instructions on her chart"???

So now she is trying to give her meds in a drink that she won't drink which is the reason for the feeding tube.  for crying out loud.  Give me a damn break.

Anyway, my mom actually had a good day yesterday even with the insertion of the tube.  She was awake most of the day, talking to everyone, etc.  Was a really great day.

Then I came in here today at noonish and there she is.. all smiles to see me and eyes wide open...  AND NO FEEDING TUBE!!  Turns out around 10:30 am she decided she wanted out of bed and she also pulled it out.  She told me it was a lie... she didn't do it..  a nurse took it out!!  good grief.  So I talked to the Dr's again and they are going to put it back in because she really needs the extra protein and the liquid food for the next few days.  But.. they are also going to put "mittens" on her.  These big puffy mittens that will stop her from pulling on it.    While I'm here watching she can have them off but when I'm gone they will have to put them on her in case she tugs at it.  hoping that's the one and only time she does that.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

omg.. really???? FTD's means what???

http://o.canada.com/news/toronto-doctor-reveals-secrets-of-hospital-slang

what a disgusting article.  Slang words and phrases used by Dr's.

Amongst other things..   Seniors are called FTD's meaning "Failure to Dies"..   how disgusting is that?   If I ever hear this come out of a Dr's mouth I swear I'll hit them.

Wed. August 27/2014

So what do you want to do St. Mike's??  Kill her off because she's old?  So she's not eating and she was beginning to swell due to it.  What happens is if you don't eat enough your body will leach your proteins.  You begin to swell up.  I've seen it before with her.  She looked like the Michelin man.  Was terrible.    So she's not eating well, not getting enough food in her and the dietician says we need to put an ng tube in her to feed her maybe tomorrow.  So the Dr's say no!  So we just let her starve, is that it?   She won't take her pills either at times so her blood pressure keeps going up but they won't put her on i.v. meds either.  Then don't complain her bp is up.

Her nurse today is Tenzin and she's another gem.  Mom has had her before.  Poor Tenzin got mom on a bad day, she's pretty delusional and called Tenzin a "bloody bitch" !!  I was shocked.  She said about 40 minutes after that episode mom apologized to her.  Thank goodness.  She also told Tenzin that she saw my grandmother and that she's hard of hearing.  strange.  very strange.  I don't like it when people tell me they've seen dead people.  Scares the crap out of me.  Later my brother calls and he's told she is somewhat confused and is asked if he still wants to talk to her and of course, instead of letting her calm down doesn't he say yes so Tenzin gave her the phone.  Next thing I know, whatever the hell he said to her got her all upset and freaking out.

She's yelling for me to come to the hospital.. NOW!  I'm trying to find out what is the matter when all of a sudden she tells me "the security guard" (my brother used to be a sheriff) told me my sister Robbie died this morning!  Damn..  I have no idea what the hell he said but it triggered something in her and she was so upset that her sister died that morning.  It took me quite some time to convince her her sister "Robbie" (both have the same name) passed away 4 years ago almost.  Finally she remembered.

She's so confused today.  Not much of anything she says makes sense.  :-( 

Anyway, later in the day I had the above conversation with Dr. Julie.  Must find out her last name.  Upset me so much I wrote the following letter to Michelle (the dietician who thinks she needs the ng tube) and mom's care manager Vicky:

   Well I'm fit to be tied here.  At this rate I may as well drop into the funeral home on the way home and tell them to get her paperwork ready.   Doesn't matter she isn't eating,  they won't put an ng tube in.  Says it will make her more delusional.  ok so then she'll be a starving nut bar instead of just a nut bar.  Oh I beg your pardon, she'll be a fat one too from all the proteins leaching from her system.  We've seen that before.  Not like it's never happened before to her.

I also asked if they could give her some help because they are complaining she won't take her meds.  Turns out she told my brother today the nurses are trying to kill her with the meds.  Not funny but really...   so I try to give her her meds and today she wouldn't take them from me either although after much cajoling I finally got it in her.   I got her next ones in her too thankfully.  But it's the stupid bp meds that are given when I'm not here that she sometimes refuses.  So I ask if they can't give her them via i.v. for a while until we get her bp settled and stabilized.  Well that's a big fat no as well. 

So..  we let her starve, and swell up inevitably from lack of food and we don't give her her bp meds via i.v. because..   well I don't know why "because" is.  I thought it would give her a foot up.  Everything I ask to help her, to gain her strength, to make her better is shot down.  So..   we are back to, she's old, she can die.  Because that's what I'm getting and I'm getting angry.  And my blog is filling up fast.  And it's not good either.

Oh.. and we can't put up all 4 railings either because she can put her legs through.  Excuse me, but better her leg goes through the rail and I really don't care if it gets stuck there either than to have her hit the floor.  So I told Dr. Julie that if she falls out of bed then it's their responsibility.  I hope they are willing to take it because if it happens it will come with a lawyer.

And last but not least.. sounds like they are thinking of sending her home very soon too and listen to me.. that's not about to happen until she is more coherent, her bp is stabilized like it used to be before this place messed with her heart meds and removed it causing the shit to hit the fan,  and she's not in as much pain in her belly as she's in either.  I can deal with her blood count still slowly going up and such but those 3 I can't do at home.  And she's not about to go to a nursing home either.  With sending her on and off over the last year she doesn't get good care in there.  A good example of this is when I broke my foot she stayed 5 days and no one even had the decency to brush the poor old woman's teeth.  It's not like she can get up and do it herself.  They don't even make sure she drinks her liquid diet either.  I'm there 2 and 3 times a damn day.  She will be dead in no time if left in that place.   And I'll be damned if she's going to lose her family Dr as well.  Cripes he's the only one that will listen to her and talk to her and work with her for the betterment of her health.  He thinks she's worth something and still contributes to society.

I'll see you tomorrow.  I will continue to do my part and try to get her meds into her and feed her even if it means more hours here because I'm not comfortable with watching her swell and get sicker. There is no way on earth you can justify that to me.


So.. that's where I'm leaving this now.  I have to get home and I'm worried that she's going to try to get out of bed and fall since they won't allow the 4 rails up.  Guess they would rather tie the poor old thing down so she can thrash around and hurt herself and add more bruises to the already dozen she has received while in here.

Tuesday August 26th/2014

Taking it easy this morning.  My back is still hurting from yesterday and a friend is going in around 11 am for my mom.  Mom's "little Esther" :-)   Esther is a sweet young Korean girl who takes my mom to her seniors program every Tuesday.  My mom just adores her.  Says she is her adopted granddaughter.  Loves to hold Esther's hand :-)  And Esther is just amazing with her.  She goes back to school next week, my mom is going to miss her so much.  I'm hoping she will be able to just visit once in a while but with a university schedule I just don't know.  It's a lot of work.  Esther is going through for something in geriatric's and she should do great. 

My mom is so active when at home.  Most days she is out at one seniors program or another.  Doing social activities with her friends, participating in community events, etc.  She looks so small and tired right now.  It's difficult to see her like this when she's normally so perky and active.  Always wanting to do something or go somewhere.  If she's not yakking on the phone she's making plans to finish off the summer going to the Music Garden, back to the Ripley's Aquarium, she wanted to go the the c.n.e. also, going to out of town is yet another thing she wants to do..  and the hairdresser!   I think today if she is up to it, I'll take her curling iron and curl her hair some for her.  It's not the hairdresser but she feels better and right now she has a Mohawk going on lol.  She really needs a haircut but that is going to have to wait.

Hard to believe this month is almost gone already.  Sept is around the corner.  This week is my biggest week of my seniors program and thankfully I have people that can step in and take over for me while I'm at the hospital.  I have a fundraiser coming up as well that I need to start working on.  Some of which I can do via email and calls while I'm at the hospital.

When I came in today I said hi to the nurse.  Same one as yesterday, the one that doesn't listen.  She tells me my mom had a hard time getting her meds in this morning but did it.  She gave them with water ..  for Christ sake.. what does it take to get a simple Dr's order followed?  This place stresses me out and I really don't need any more stress in my life right now thanks. 

So..  my mom is sitting here quietly..  talking occasionally, looking a little more like her old self.  She's losing weight again though.  That much I know because if I don't feed her, no one does.  Oh.. excuse me, they give her broth or apple juice..  they give her stuff with no damn calories to provide strength for her.  I can't get it across how important it is that she gets the damn super shakes in her.  Even one a day for 320 calories but no..  it's easier to give her some damn stupid broth with 0 calories.

OMG.. really?  This poor woman in the next bed from my mom.  She is a paraplegic and relies on everyone else for help.  She has huge bed sores, really deep ones that need to be cleaned and such.  She has been buzzing the nurses station for over 20 minutes now asking for help.  No one comes.  She is crying, she's had a bowel movement and is laying it in with open sores.  WTF is the matter with this place?  Why is this happening???  I'd change this poor woman myself if I could but with the open bed sores I don't dare touch her.  This is SO WRONG.  It's torture for her.  Finally after more than a 1/2 hour someone came.  The nurses had a meeting ...  so they don't have anyone on the floor? 

Good thing no one had a heart attack or choked on something isn't it?  They'd literally be dead before they got back. 

Michelle the dietician came in a bit ago.  Mom isn't getting enough of her super shake in her so she's getting no calories.  I told her that no one is listening here.  They give her clear fluids which does nothing for her.  She pointed out my mom's feet are starting to swell a bit as well and showed it to her nurse who kind of shrugged.  I told Michelle that I don't know why her hands are swelling again and she said it's that old problem back.  She is leaching proteins because she is getting no food.  If this keeps up we will have to put the tube back up her nose!

EXCUSE ME BUT THIS IS A HOSPITAL AND WHY THE FUCK ISN'T ANYONE MAKING SURE SHE DRINKS HER CALORIES?  IT'S NOT OK TO STARVE HER TO THE POINT OF LEACHING THE PROTEINS FROM HER BODY!

Great..  it's now almost 5 pm and she thinks her gums are falling out!  What is going on?  Is she "sundowning"?   Last night this started too.  She had an episode like this months ago, like 6 mths back if not more and they thought it was sundowning then but it wasn't.  Sundowning doesn't come and go like that.  I am going to have to get them to put mittens or something on her because she's picking at her gums and that's not good.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Monday August 25th/2014

WOW...   it's 10:00 am and I thought I'd try phoning my mom and didn't she pick up her own phone and talk to me a bit!!!  Sounded like I woke her up but hey..  this is great!!!!

hmm updating here..   got to the hospital around 12:45 pm to find her pretty sluggish again.  I'm trying to be positive though on her behalf with the fact she answered her own phone this morning after several rings.  And talked to me a bit too.

Nurse is trying to get her to take her pills.  She is on fluids again i.v. for some reason, damned if I know, they tell me nothing unless I hunt them down and seek answers and depending on which Dr I get, at times I just get the feeling of condescension and that I'm wasting their precious time.  Well time with my mom is precious too Bubba.  I am so so tired of the "she's old" routine.  We are suppose to accept this statement as a fact that it makes her unworthy of trying harder for her, that it makes her unnecessary to society, that we should just let her die and get it over will.  Bullshit.  She's a champion, a fighter, and she doesn't want to go yet.

I'm still rather annoyed at the i.c.u. Dr that will not follow her wishes.  She wants to be resuscitated, she knows she can fight back if given a good chance.  He on the other hand gives me this :  Well, if she was a cancer patient and wanted chemo but we thought chemo was not going to work for her, we wouldn't give it".  There was another example he used too however...  just because he doesn't think she's worth saving doesn't mean she isn't.  He had absolutely no reason to disrespect her wishes.  I had this conversation with her just a couple of weeks back.  After every time she has a hard time and ends up in hospital, we have this conversation.  I want to make sure I'm doing exactly what she wants.  If she wants heroic measures then it's his job to do that.  He is really rather crude.  Tells me..  "do you really want us to crush her chest and break her ribs, etc.".  It's overkill and unnecessary.  I know what happens and I also know they have paddles they can use to shock her heart back that they can have at the ready.  I've already put her on a ventilator once and she thanked me for it when she got off it. 

She says she doesn't want to die because she isn't ready.  When she is she will let go.  Just like her mom did before her.  According to this Dr. no one ever says they want to die.  Really?  You just ask any nurse, they will tell you patients say that all the time.  My grandmother (her mother) did exactly that.  The next time I saw him he got really angry at me for asking her if she wanted to die.    The final time I saw him he stood at the foot of her bed, very sullen..   telling me they've done everything that is not invasive.  Invasive???  At this point he really didn't even know she had had the aneurysm.  He didn't have any answers to what happened last Monday but he's certainly very opinionated as to what he believes the end results should be. 

We are very up front with each other, my mom and I, and I'll do anything she asks or wants.  He on the other hand seems to think I know nothing. He knows best and he knows what she wants.  The bullshit is getting so deep around here that I'm going to need hip waders soon.

Well hell... the fire alarm is going off in here.  Now what?

No idea what that was about but was some time before they announced the all clear.  I decided to go to the Senator Restaurant go grab my lunch when the alarm went off.  Since we couldn't use the elevators or anything until the all clear came, by the time I got to the Senator for my club house on challah the damn restaurant was in the process of closing for the day.  They close at 2:30 on Mondays and it was now 2:45  :-(   had to go to the stupid cafeteria here and eat fried food.  ugh..  either that or Timmies which I can't stand either.  You cannot get a decent, healthy meal in this hospital anywhere.  Timmies, Second Cup and everything fried at the cafeteria.  They stop serving anything hot in this place by 2 pm and there are slim pickings for anything good after that and even the hot meals here are bad. 

It's later now..  I'm so tired that I lost my balance and thankfully hit the chair on the way down and not the floor.  Hurt my back some though.  Things started changing around 6 pm for my mom.  She started getting agitated and confused.  I had a talk with her nurse but she seems not all that concerned that my mom may fall out of bed!  So..   before I left for the night, I wrote the following email to my mom's care manager who is remarkable at her job ...


Not too long after you left my mom started getting a bit agitated.  Then she started getting a bit delusional.  At 6:30 she got really agitated and started telling me she had to get off the bed!  She was almost yelling at me that she had to get off the bed!  She then started making no sense telling me her waist was getting too tight.

  I told her nurse (Katrina) and she said she may have to give her something.  Now..  when I asked one time when they actually put soft restraints on her in the emerg if they could give her something to calm her down instead I was told no because it can make the delusions even worse since those things work on the brain.  Katrina also said she would tell the evening nurse.

  I wanted to go home early tonight however the situation is getting worse, not better.  By 7 pm she was still complaining loudly about her waist being tight and something about putting her legs on!  I took the sheets off her and that calmed her a bit but then it started right back up.   Katrina was called into the room by the lady in the next bed to move her position so while she was in here I asked if she could please move my mom too and maybe that would calm her.

  I got a loud sigh.  Really?  Listen.. I have to go home at some point. Being exhausted isn't helping my health and I'm sorry but I can't sit here 24/7 and watch my mom.  This place won't give her a sitter so it's up to the nurse.  She did come over with a c.a. and move my mom and right now she's calmed down.

  We had yet another conversation though..  This girl is just a contradiction to whatever I say or have been told by a Dr or another nurse.  It was her that told me I can't cut the pills smaller yet another nurse has crushed them and a Dr ok'd me cutting them up small to get it into her.  Now we are arguing about restraints and I really don't like people pretty much rolling their eyes at me either.

  I told her when I leave I will put up the 2 bottom rails.  I told her I know it's considered a restraint but previously as her p.o.a. as long as I gave my permission when she's like this that they can be used.  She pretty much rolls her eyes and says "that's a restraint".  I said "that's what I just said but as her p.o.a. as long as I give permission it's ok."..  she says as she rolls her eyes "I've never heard that".  So now we are debating the stupid rails.  I told her I would much prefer to put up the rails then have the soft restraints used which only agitate her more and I don't believe in tying people up if there is another way.  She'll just thrash and possibly hurt herself.   She changes her stance and says that the only time all the rails can be put up is if the Dr orders it and no Dr is going to order it.   For Christ sake.. enough already.   Put the damn rails up instead of strapping her to the bed.  Or get her a sitter.

  Then the lady in the next bed called her again, I believe she needed her bladder emptied and doesn't Katrina say "they'll do it later, I'm almost off shift".  It's only about 7:05 pm.  don't make that lady suffer.  Not like she has a foley in, she needs and in & out done.  She's defenceless.  Katrina grumbles and then goes and helps her thank goodness.  I don't know what that girls problem is but she has an attitude that needs to be put into check.  I'm here all damn day and basically do her job for her so it's not like my mom is demanding.  Today we actually used the call bell for once because she needed ondansetron and I couldn't find the nurse. Turns out she was on her break.   Normally I just go and ask and wait until the nurse has some time.  No more when she's on shift.  I'll just keep buzzing if my mom needs anything and let her actually take care of my mom too.  She can give her every pill, every drink, etc.  And if she doesn't get drinks and she starts to dehydrate then it can be Katrina's fault.  I'm tired of this.  My mom could be a lot harder to take care of

  So it's now 7:20 pm and I'm not gone yet.  I'm dead on my feet but am afraid to leave.   Looks like I'm blogging again tonight. 





Sunday, August 24, 2014

Sunday August 24th/2014

Didn't get much sleep last night but the guy from the repair place called at 7:30 to let me know he was on his way.  He showed up close to 8:30 and had the flat fixed by 8:45.  Wonderful, that's one lot of stress relieved.

Got to the hospital and Aileen, mom's nurse, was relieved to see me.  I asked what was up and she said mom wouldn't take her meds again.  Turns out she crushed them and put a huge lot of them in a little tub of applesauce.  Stupid...  I keep telling them not to crush the damn pills.  They taste like shit and she won't take them but of course, some people know best.  If it wasn't for the fact that mom really needs those medications (her bp meds and pain meds) I'd tell her tough shit.  You were told not to crush them.  But..  I wouldn't do that to mom.

I went into her room and she woke up and smiled!!!  So much better than yesterday so far.  She took the meds for me with a sour face and lots of complaint, lots of water and even coffee but I just kept asking her to take them because they were so important.  She's been awake and talking to me off and on.  She doesn't look so withdrawn either.  And her pain seems to be reduced somewhat.  She's not getting that horrific cramping type pain so often in her tummy from the blood.  Damn that is a slow process for the body to take care of blood in the belly.

I got here at 11:15 am, a bit later than usual but I'm so tired I'm having great difficulty waking up in the mornings these days and didn't get much sleep last night at all.  Even our dogs seemed upset last night. Ligia started barking like mad at me and she normally only barks when someone is at the door.  The puppies were running back and forth like crazy too.  I know they miss her.  I find them in her room a lot looking up at her bed :-(

Since getting here I have yet to see her Dr.  I have to leave at around 4:30 pm to go home and let the dogs out for a while since my friend Ravinder who is taking care of them for us has gone out for the day for an opportunity to see her sister who is in town for a visit.  I will go home and let them out, maybe have a little nap, then come back for a while too.  Then head home for the night around 8:30 or 9 pm.  Another long day.

Back by 6:30 pm and she's still snoozing but did wake up and took a drink of water.  As I sit here I notice that a pill from earlier today still isn't down her.  It's potassium and it's a freakin huge pill.  So they crushed it.  It's still sitting here in one of those little medicine cups and it almost 1/2 fills it!  Another time when she was on this damn thing I literally had to bring my pill cutter from home and cut that damn thing into 20 pieces!  Yes...  no kidding, 20 pieces so she could take it.  I was asked to give this to her but forgot but I know she won't take it like that.  It's bitter and tastes terrible.

If a patient can't take their own medications in here they are so screwed.  So many times I've had my mom so sick she's almost unconscious yet they bring the little medicine cup of pills and say "here are your pills" and then put them on the bed table.  Expecting them to take them themselves.  My mom needs her medications with applesauce and has difficulty holding spoons..  good luck to her.  And they wonder why people don't get better?    stupid.

Saturday August 23rd, 2014

I'm getting increasingly tired.  Odd..  must be the stress.  I leave the hospital around 9 pm, get to bed around 10:30, fall asleep around 11:30 and up about 8:30 which is normally late for me.  I'm up and down most the night but am still getting sleep.  Must be the stress as to why I'm feeling so damn tired.  It gets more difficult typing all this too.  It's a lot.  Makes me more tired at times.

My mom is in a room with a younger woman who constantly is calling the nurse.  She also has a tv that is relatively loud.  If mom had a tv it would probably drown it out.  Occasionally I look at yahoo news or cp24 but unless I turn up the speakers on this thing I don't hear anything.   They should tell her to use earphones instead.  If I'm not mistaken you get a pair when you order the tv.  Maybe I'm just grumpy because I'm tired but it does wake my mom now and then.

I'm exhausted and it's been a bad day today. Went to the hospital this morning to find out my mom's blood pressure is fast on the rise again.  190/130  They put a nitro patch on her again to help bring it down. Not sure what the hell is doing it other than meds, stress and pain she's under right now. So she was pretty quiet most of the day and then she slept deeply for a couple of hours before I left. At that point she got a bit scary, would barely wake up but did enough to take some meds for me. But then started wailing like something was wrong but she wouldn't talk. That stopped (I think it was bad gas and with her tummy problems it made it a lot worse), but she still wouldn't talk to me, like she couldn't. Finally.. finally.. she said a few small things to me and I was able to go home feeling a bit better. She gave me kisses goodnight and told me she loved me. And she smiled. but......

 on my way home, there is an apt building that is having some work done so the construction built a cover over the sidewalk to protect the people walking BUT they didn't hang lights from it so while I was going through it it was dark. It was 9:30 so there were lots of shadows under it and suddenly there was a smashed beer bottle right in front of me and I couldn't stop my scooter fast enough.
I went over it and blew one of the back tires of my scooter. I'm unable to walk very far and now it's dark out, I'm in a shitty part of town and am alone, on the phone to my nephew telling him how his nanna is... now I'm standing there crying not knowing how I'm going to get home. Worried about my mom, worried about how I get home, worried about how to fix the flat on the weekend.

 A young couple came up to me and offered whatever help they could give me. I called a friend Jimmy and he got dressed and brought his disabled van cab to pick me up.  While waiting for him I just lost it, too much today, this week I guess and this nice young lady asked me if she could give me a hug. I said yes and bawled on her shoulder. She asked mom's name and I told her and she asked if she could pray for my mom and I said yes, of course, thanks. And then she asked me if they could give me taxi money or something to help me get home. Even wondered if my scooter would fit in her boyfriends home for me until I could figure something out. While waiting for Jimmy the young man went and removed the beer bottle from the sidewalk and through the rest of it away.

Jimmy came and before I left I gave her my business card. I sincerely hope she calls me at some point, I'd like to take them to dinner at least. They were so kind and thoughtful not to leave me alone in that area and to offer whatever help they possibly could to a stranger in need. There aren't many of those types around these days but I'm certainly happy I found two of them tonight.

Jimmy got me home safely and pushed my scooter upstairs for me and the company I use for my scooter repairs has a 24 hr hotline and the guy will be here around 8 am to fix the flat. Hoping mom is ok tonight and gets a good nights sleep and I'll see her in the morning like I promised her when I left.





Saturday, August 23, 2014

More about Friday August 22nd/2014

By midday mom was getting very quiet.  Too much hydromorphone as far as I'm concerned.  She is still in a lot of pain too.  Now her blood pressure is starting to rise a bit again as well.  Nothing I want to see that's for sure.  Good news is her blood is clotting well and holding the leak so her blood levels are going up on their own as they need to.  As well, her I.N.R.'s are ok too.

Michelle (the dietician) went looking for her Dr to have him/her talk to me.  Never know who it is.  Turns out it's Peter who looks all of 18.  I swear.  They are either getting younger or I'm getting a lot older.  Anyway, around 6:30 Peter finally makes his presence known and what started as a simple conversation about my mom's pain levels got way off track when he knew better and started getting condescending with me.  This is a bit of how it went:

He looks at her passed out due to the hydromorphone and states “well she looks comfortable and pain free”.  Really?   I wake her up, she’s in a stupor, and he asks if she’s in pain and she says yes.  He asks her where..  she says her back and stomach are in awful pain.  He asks her to put a number to it and she says 10.  Then the poor thing passes out again from the hydromorphone and he says again “she looks comfortable and pain free”.  When I try to talk to him about the fact she’s getting more delusional on all this hydromorphone I get this condescending look and am given a dissertation about how it’s normal for elderly…    bull… it’s not the norm for her, it only happens when she having an infection or when she’s loaded up on hydromophone.  Clear up the infection and she’s spot on again.  Can pass any test you give her.  Can go to her family Dr and discuss her health with him and answer all his questions without any help from me.

so please.........  do not think that seniors are without worth and just because they are old it's ok if they die now instead of later.   asshole.  I left this night with no answers from little Peter.  Only his attitude which I really don't want or need.  Letter time.

Also talked to my family Dr. for a bit.  He called me around 6 pm Friday to see how my mom was doing.  I told him what was going on and he sounded very sad.  He's known my mom for many years and she adores him.  I actually think he enjoys it when she comes for a check up.  She's remarkable and he makes no bones about saying so.  He was asking me if they will let her go home or send her directly to a nursing home.  I told him I have a lot of issues with that.  The new one that she goes to is not attentive to their patients.  They only give her a mat to land on AFTER she falls.  No one ever brushes the poor woman's teeth.  They leave her to linger in her bed all weekend instead of taking her to activities that she wants to participate in.  They don't even dress her until noon for crying out loud so she gets a bit mixed up since she's in her pj's all day.  You can't do that to these people.  She goes every now and then for a weekend so I can get a break but it's never a real break.  I'm there, at least twice a day to check on things and make sure she has what she needs.  They don't even take her to the cafeteria at meal time.  They just take her her liquid diet and leave her in her room.   At least let her socialize a bit. 

It's not a good place to be at all and it's no wonder, having the experiences we have had there, that these old folks roll over and die before their time.  If you are ambulatory or can do things yourself still, you are ok in there but once you need real care..   you'll not get it.  I've actually started to blog a bit about this as well in a blog called "Diary of a Mad Caregiver".

Friday, August 22, 2014

Friday August 22/2014

Got here a little late today.  Around 12:30 pm.  Had to run to the pharmacy for myself and pick up my prescriptions because they aren't open on the weekend.  Also posted the flyers for my seniors group, got the laundry ready for my homemaker and priced the produce for the seniors program so tomorrow I can put in the order.  I need to do other things and it helps keep my mind occupied on something else briefly.  Also met Susan to give her the money for the food she's cooking for my seniors too next week.  Got a lot of things done in the morning and played with the dogs too for a bit who are desperately missing my mom.  I keep catching Six sitting at the side of my mom's bed looking up at it searching for her. Ligia is sleeping under her bed all night, every night.  SoCute is lost without her and so is Bubba.  Poor things are lonely when I'm gone all day and they can't find Nanna.  Our good friend Ravinder is going in and out all the time to be with them and to feed them at night if I'm unable to make it on time.  Thank goodness for her.  I don't know what we would do without her.  She will also take over my seniors program next week as well for the most part.

I called earlier today around 10 am to speak to my mom's nurse but they said she was busy.  I heard nothing from Lilibeth during the night so I am pretty sure all went ok.  They know they can call any time.  When I got here her nurse was helping the lady in the next bed and my mom was in a lot of pain.  I reminded her she had some blood in her tummy and that was the cause of the pain but all she wants is for it to go away.  I asked her if she took her pills this morning and the nurse piped in and said yes.  Whew...  mornings aren't good with her and she hasn't done that until now. 

When the nurse was finished I asked her if she could have something for pain and she told me she already had her codeine.  I asked what time and she was talking about the morning one.  I told her she could have hydromorphone as breakthrough.  Seems she didn't know that!!!  Then she tried to put my mom on her other side and my mom fought against it.  It's really painful for my mom to lay on that side due to a serious curve in her spine.  Seems the nurse didn't know this information either.  When I told her she would just move  back and why, she said "oh, that's good to know, I didn't know that".  for crying out loud, didn't she read her chart at all???

So... so far today it's proving interesting again.  I wish she had of got a nurse she knows.  I'm actually pretty sure she's had this one before but she has an attitude like she couldn't care less.  I'm hoping this isn't going to be a long day with the nurse. 

I also asked the nurse if my mom's Dr had seen her yet and the reply I got was this: "I don't know, I don't know anything.  I don't get to know the Dr's here because in no time they are gone."   (Dr's here go on rotation, it's a learning hospital - albeit it's usually at the expense of the patients).  So, so much for asking that.

I actually made myself a sandwich to bring with me today.  Don't think I could eat any more yukky fries or overcooked chicken fingers from here any more. The hamburgers would probably kill someone if you threw it at them.   I'll go downstairs soon and try to get some vegetarian Asian noodles, they were good. 

On the way to the fridge I actually had the luck to run into one of the Dr's on her team.  He told me Peter was her Dr today but I've yet to see him.  He was kind enough to give me some information though.  Her blood tests came up ok this morning so no transfusions yet.  The tummy pain will be around for a few days at least and it just has to take care of itself.  Her bp is ok as well.  Pleasant young man, always helpful.  More than I can say for some of them.

 I had a complaint the other day when talking to Vicky.  Vicky When is her case manager.  She has been my mom's case manager pretty much every time she's been in here.  She's amazing at her job.  I was talking to her last night before she left because I was having some issues with her care and I was telling her that the majority of the Dr's in this place need a course on bedside manner.  They see an elderly person and it's almost like they are disposable.  I get a lot of "well you know, she's old"..   really?  And is this how you want someone to think of you when you're older and have a health issue?  It's like they think they are not productive parts of society any more so they should just let them go and not do anything really to save their lives.  This is bullshit.  As the owner/operator of a non-profit for seniors I can tell you I have 90 year olds that are actively involved in their community and families and such.  I wonder if this is how they feel about their grandparents?

Oddly enough she is having hallucinations again.  They had cleared up when the infection got under control.  She told me there was a pigeon walking around this morning.  Then she said it was in the livingroom.  I reminded her she was in the hospital.  So..  with that said, I'm not sure if it's an hallucination or a dream because about a month ago a damn pigeon flew into our apt and landed on the windowsill in our livingroom.  Dream about an event that happened... or hallucination?  She just woke up again and told me "I didn't put anything in there".  Not sure what the hell that was about but she pretty much repeated it word for word then fell back asleep.

Damn.. it is so noisy in here.  Enough to wake the dead.  She's near the nurses station and man they yak it up out there.  And it's not medical business either.  It's personal stuff, joking around, laughing very loudly, yelling across the place to each other.  I guess they don't know this is a hospital and should be a quiet zone.  I remember once when I was on cardiology I was near the nurses station, got very little sleep due to the noise and every time I got up and closed my door, I'd just get to seep and they would re-opened it.